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It is easy to look out into the heart of nature, or into the heart of our lives, and see at this time, nothing but a death. A brown sepia toned landscape, full of crumbling, falling apart, decaying and rot.
This idea or thought, can for some, feel uncomfortable, triggering and edgy, whether its related to our own lives or the landscape around us.
Yet if we look a little harder, a little closer, we will see amongst the decay and the disintegration, tiny, potent seeds of varying shapes and colours.
Seeds that contain, medicine, forests, food, growth, new beginnings, and days to come.
The shedding, the rot, the falling apart, is the womb for new life to be birthed from.
These seeds are often so small, you might not realise the beauty they contain, or remember how over time, they will transform into something over a thousand or a million times their size, creating mighty oaks, woodlands, healing medicine, change making weeds. Feeding many, housing many, caring for many and playing their part in creating a meaningful and beautiful life.
Or perhaps the seed is an interest, a long held dream, a book, a story you read, a course, a new thought, a feeling, a breath, a rest, a step, an idea, something that feels good and warm and true.
Do not over look those tiny seeds, that sit within the falling apart, the dying and the crumbling away, for maybe it was those seeds that triggered or ignited the death of something, knowing you were capable of so much more, knowing you had within you magnificent seeds of change and becoming.
We can often think too big, a type of cathedral thinking that feels unreachable and unachievable from where we sit right now. But to start with a tiny seed, to tend to it, to feed it moment by moment, in small but loving ways, and over time, taste the medicine, nourishment and shelter it grows.
All beginnings start in the darkness, hidden below the surface, accompanied by the ancient thrum of the wild. The baby in the womb, the seed in the black fertile earth, the chick hidden in the egg.
If the dying and the rot at this time, within and without, worry or unsettle you, remember, it is a way of creating nourishment and care, so life may grow. Search for those seeds and hold them, feel them know them, and the more intimate you become with them, the more easeful that shedding will be.
Explorations you may want to try
Picture by Ella Salame
I have felt braver and more courageous in my journey, from witnessing how the wild alchemises and recovers, I have learnt that letting go is beautiful and necessary. Ive loved seeing those seeds within the dying, they bring me realisations of hope, faith and strength. Going out into nature, wherever you live, and seeing, feeling and touching the seeds held within the death creates a tactile, immersive experience that is far more potent than just hearing the seeds are out there. It can be nice to collect some, or draw them, write about them by describing not only their looks, there sensory feel and how do they touch you, emotionally when you view them or hold them.
Gather and plant your own seeds in wild places, lace them with whispers about your intentions, your pledges, your plans.
Journal into the ways you would like to feed your seeds of becoming, what the shape of those seeds are, where you feel them in your body, how they want to come alive
Walk in nature, and notice how the death is turned into life, see the way the fungi alchemise the rotting away, see the way insects turn the dead in compost, see the way plants take root and grow from all that once was. Write about it, draw it, and see how witnessing it makes you feel.
Remember that the wild will, the spirit and the ability you witness on the land, in the way of transformation, alchemy and recovery, is also held in you, for you too have that wild will, that wild spirit, those wild abilities in you, for you too are nature.
Poem
I am a body
that carries sadness
as if it is the only thing
that belongs there.
I forget that love
and warmth
and peace belongs there too. - AVA
NEWS!
So, I want to let you know about something I have been creating with some degree of secrecy, it is a book! And it will be published in September 2023.
It is a book about human nature, the wild inside and outside of us, it is about recovery and rewilding the human psyche. It has small parts of my journey in and it has plants woven throughout.
I will write more about it in another post, and soon will start sharing aspects and snippets of the book with pains subscribers, in a hope to hear your thoughts and feelings if you have any to share.
I’m so excited to be sharing this with you, and also terrified that I wont actually finish writing in time to meet the deadline, or, that it will be terribly boring and waffle on, and right now Im going through a degree of ‘not good enough’, but, Im aware that this is all part of the process.
Im working with September Publishing, who have just been a joy to work with. A recent book published by them was Hagitude, by Sharon Blackie, which is a beautiful and powerful book about the journey of menopause.
Picture by Andrea De Santis
Two plants to notice at this time of year
Sorrel - This plant is going through a second spring at this time of year, a last dance with the above ground life before disappearing under the earth for a little while. To me, the leaves taste of cooking apple skin and gooseberries. Lovely in a smoothie, a salad or made into a traditional polish soup. The leaves cool the system and have lots and lots of vitamin c in.
Nettle - This plant is also having a burst of new growth before going into the time of deep rest. Find the nettle that hasn’t flowered or seeded, and enjoy the leaves in smoothies, soups, curries, vinegars, teas and infusions.
Nettle is full of an abundance of minerals and helps build energy and strength in those who have had trauma, long periods of stress, a recent operation, eating disorders, depression or who are mineral depleted.
Nettle works with the kidneys and the adrenal glands, helping to uplift, energise, strengthen and calm. Nettle is also a wonderful plant for fertility and pregnancy.
To gain the most from nettle, have them daily for up to three months. The best way to have them is through an infusion.
Infusion: in a 1 litre jar, fill nettles up to a third of the way up, fill the jar with boiling water, place a lid on, and leave for 8 - 12 hours infusion time. I make mine before bed, leave overnight and strain in the morning and drink through out the day.
An old name for Nettle, is mothers green milk or earth milk because it is so akin to breast milk.
The taste of a nettle infusion is bloody due to the high iron content and Milky due to the high calcium content and deeply earthy. If the taste is too much for you, you can add mint or rosemary to change the flavour a little.
At last!!! Your coming book!!! I’m over the moon to hear your news! I’m very excited and feel incredibly privileged to hear this 💕
I hear your ‘not good enough’ narrative, a wise friend once told me that it was a sign of humility which I very much agree with especially with your beautiful and brilliant work.
You are your words, you are strong, grounded and connected to the life force of nature. Your words fill and nourish me as I know they do others, and to have a full book!! Yay!!! I really can’t wait ❤️
I am so very excited for you, and for us!! Thank you for all the goodness you put out into the world!