Fortnightly Letter: On reciprocity
Alchemising and returning the gift
Play Song: Light Ascending
Hello Lovelies
Welcome to my substacks fortnightly free letter of connection, delivered to you on a Sunday morning.
In this letter, I wanted to explore the concept of reciprocity, which is something that has been in my heart rather a lot these last few days.
Reciprocity is a supportive relationship between two or more beings, it can also be the relationship we form between the different aspects of self.
When I speak of reciprocity, I do not mean the sticky entrapment that can come with being nice to someone or doing something for someone, so they owe us one, or so they give us what we want in return.
Rather, it is a naturally giving and supportive relationship that requires no pay back, except to see that person more supported, healthful, cared for, or able to thrive, knowing that their happiness is gift enough.
When I speak of reciprocity, I’m thinking of what I learnt from watching nature, how reciprocity is an essential part of its making.I have not found a part of nature yet, that is not reciprocal in some way, to the wild and diverse community it is a part of.
When I came to realise this, I fell in love, even deeper than before, with the natural world. My sense of safety in it, strengthened.
All too often, in documentaries, we are given the narrative of the wild being full of a constant fight, everything is out to get eachother and the terrain is hostile and savage. And much of the scientific teaching I have experienced on the natural world, is about looking at an individual being, and missing out its entangled relationship to the whole of the world around it.
Yet we don’t have to look far to see a world full of support, kindness and reciprocity.
Reciprocity springs up mainly, as far as I have observed, from a being, being totally and utterly themselves, and in being themselves in the world, they become medicine for the whole. Each being leans on others, not just beings of their own species, but more likely, an array of diverse beings from the web of life, for their growth, nourishment and care. Everything is attached to everything else in this way.
A dandelion, by being totally dandelion, and having space to shine and soil to grow in, brings increased goodness to the soil, offers pollen to pollinators and nutrients to animals including human, the fly, beetle and worm by being totally them, eat the rot, the shit and the dead for their own nourishment, but by doing so, they alchemise it into gold, into fertile goodness for seed, tree, herb and animal to survive and thrive.
Everything is in a supportive dance with each other, alchemising and transforming the gift they receive, and passing it on to another. Every being plays a vital role in upholding the whole. This wild community, is a community full of gifts and care.
We as beings on this earth are gifted each an everyday by this ever shifting wildness, gifts we have neither earned nor paid for, whether it be the air we breathe, the fertile soil under feet, food to eat, berries, honey, birdsong, herbs, mushrooms, medicines, the softening of rain, spring water and so so so much more. We are fed and nourished in a way that encourages us to be able to live a life in our own fullness, and in being in our own fullness, become good medicine for those human and more than human beings around us.
We also have within us, a reciprocal community of heart, lungs, bladder, liver, gut, brain, nerves, blood, cells, immune system, kidney, spleen and more, that work together to support each other in their actions and functions. And we, when we treat our bodies well and care for them with good foods, rest, exercise and listening to the feelings that arise, receive the goodness and nourishment of our bodies in their fullness.
Yet it seems to me, in a crazy modern human world that has been hell bent on de souling the world and our bodies, we have forgotten the medicine and enrichment we receive daily from our inner and outer worlds, and we forget too, that as beings of nature, we need to play our own part in this reciprocal relationship.
Without us realising though, we do still play a reciprocal role on the earth. Our breath for example, is the carbon dioxide the trees and plants love and need, and they absorb that gift and turn it into oxygen for us to breathe in. Our poo or wee, should we find ourselves doing it in the woods after receiving good food and water, becomes compost for that earth that grows our food, when we brush against seeds outside, run our fingers through them or blow them into the wind, we are helping the plant in its dispersal and in doing so we spread out where we can gather the plant from and the abundance we receive. When we pick wild herbs in the right way, it can strengthen them and help them grow well. These things, are tiny things that arise without thought, but still they play a part in this reciprocal web of life.
But there is no denying much of the human species is taking far too much without any offering of gratitude, gifts or care, surely, we cannot go on in this way, taking without consciously giving back, whether we are looking at the community inside of us, or the wild community outside of us.
I think it is a heavy price we pay, when we do not love and care for the body that offers so much to us, and it is also a heavy burden that sits within our souls when we keep taking and taking from the earth, but do not offer anything back.
“For much of human’s time on the planet, before the great delusion, we lived in cultures that understood the covenant of reciprocity, that for the Earth to stay in balance, for the gifts to continue to flow, we must give back in equal measure for what we take.”
- Robin Wall Kimmerer
I often wonder in my life, how I can offer more to what nourishes me. Witnessing nature around me, and seeing how reciprocity arises when a creature, plant, tree, fungi, bacteria is being fully what they are, I realise part of my reciprocity journey, for my body, my life and the world around me, is to more and more be guided by my own soul, my own integrity, which leads me always, towards my greatest wellness both inside of myself and how I interact with the world around me.
For many older cultures, it is about finding your gift, what lights you up in the world and exploring that in a way that benefits the world. ‘To hold your gift’, I was once told, is to learn how to bring it to others.
Just as one of dandelions gifts is their long taproot, that like a straw, sucks up the minerals deep in the earth that lie under the taming. Those minerals feed the dandelion, but the dandelion also feeds those minerals to the depleted top layer of soil, which in turn means other, less tenacious flowers can grow there, which will neI fit the growth and beauty of its diverse and wild community.
A question that often comes to me in my life, is how do I live now, so I can be a good ancestor, for those yet to come.
Robin Wall Kimmerer speaks of reciprocity forming in giving gratitude - “Giving thanks implies recognition not only of the gift, but of the giver. When I eat an apple, my gratitude is directed to that wide-armed tree whose tart offspring are now in my mouth, whose life has become my own. Gratitude is founded on the deep knowing that our very existence relies on the gifts of beings who can in fact photosynthesize. Gratitude propels the recognition of the personhood of all beings and challenges the fallacy of human exceptionalism—the idea that we are somehow better, more deserving of the wealth and services of the Earth than other species.”
This is a simple yet potent way to start to bring reciprocity, for gratitude invites a seeing of the being that has given to you, it invites a feeling of warmth towards the more than human world, which in time can grow into a want to protect.
I believe we mustnt forget ourselves in all this, just as we offer more gratitude to the apple tree, the bee, the soil, the weeds, the breath we breathe or the worm. We must too, offer gratitude for our bodies, for how they sense, or breathe, or digest, or feel, because in that way, we might also start to feel the beauty of our inner community, start to listen more to it, to trust it more and perhaps to fall in love with ourselves, offering reciprocity to the heart of us, and in that way, remembering the giftedness we hold within.
Article on reciprocity
Things I’ve noticed this month:
I saw my first violets today, a small patch of them by an oak tree overlooking the river. I ate one of them, the flavour was strong and incredibly violet spirited.
Dandelions are popping up with their big smiling yellow faces
And increase in bird song as more birds return to this land
I saw my first bumble bee of the year
I have a longing within me to draw.
Quotes I came across this week:
- “The right people feel different to your nervous system” - Lalah Delia
-“Who I am is not defined by what I do. What I do, is a manifestation of who I am” -Andrea Ranae
Poem
This poem is actually a song called ‘The lost words blessing’ I love it so much and often read it on the retreats I lead.
Enter the wild with care, my love
And speak the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you travel far from heather, crag and river
May you like the little fisher, set the stream alight with glitter
May you enter now as otter without falter into water
Look to the sky with care, my love
And speak the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you journey on past dying stars exploding
Like the gilded one in flight, leave your little gifts of light
And in the dead of night my darling, find the gleaming eye of starling
Like the little aviator, sing your heart to all dark matter
Walk through the world with care, my love
And sing the things you see
Let new names take and root and thrive and grow
And even as you stumble through machair sands eroding
Let the fern unfurl your grieving, let the heron still your breathing
Let the selkie swim you deeper, oh my little silver-seeker
Even as the hour grows bleaker, be the singer and the speaker
And in city and in forest, let the larks become your chorus
And when every hope is gone, let the raven call you home
Here is the song, click picture to play
On Saturday morning I wrote a post for paid subscribers on ‘the resilience of dandelion’, read or preview it here -
Thank you for reading this newsletter, I really appreciate and value your presence here. Do comment with any feedback or thoughts you may have regarding this letter.
I breathed in and our gratitude as I read this beautiful reminder
The “lean” so beautifully expressed 🌻. Who’s art is shared in this post?