Connection Letter
On the cauldron of the season.
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Hello lovelies,
How are you as we edge into a new season?
Here, the mulching and fermenting of what has been freely given, died away or no longer needed is becoming, in its blackening, more soil than structure. The wet, the cold, the insects, the worms, the fungi and bacteria have feasted, shat out and transformed the dying matter into life giving substance.
I feel as though autumn and winter eat me too, the way they eat the decaying leaves, wood, stems and petals. Tugging at what needs to fall away, so my new skin, my new ways can be realised.
It is a courageous thing, a difficult thing, but a beautiful thing, to fall apart and unravel. These days, I cannot see another way, for I think it is no life at all, to keep pushing through with ways out dated to my soul, or inhabiting practises that are no longer in my integrity.
I feel as though autumn and winter are a pot, a huge black earthy witches cauldron into which I melt away, unravel, fall apart and ferment, until only the essential parts of me remain, the bones, the seeds, the soul.
This time is the time of the hag, or the ancient witch woman of stories, who lived in a house in the deepest darkest wildest part of the wood.
She was always the character I was most fond of and intrigued by, and I feel a sense of sadness, that our ancient tales have been so meddled with, that they now paint her in such a bad light.
She is the perfect metaphor of natures spirit in the autumn and winter.
She is the one, who takes the young, and eats them alive, opening them, changing them and maturing them. Then when she is done, when their lessons have been learnt and they have matured, she sends them out into the world to be the medicine they are.
The energy of the earth, in those two seasons, shifts inwards, all external fripperies let go of, and the darkness grows. The hormones for reproduction and outward growth, leave the plants and trees and the land enters the hag time.
The time, that mulches, eats, composts and strengthens the seeds, the medicine to come, the food we eat from.
Autumn and winter also link with the ancient alchemical process known as the blackening, it was one of the essential steps to reaching the soul of something, to rot down anything not needed, to blacken and pull away all that isnt the very essence of the being.
Carl Jung, who developed a love of ancient alchemy, saw that this process was also an essential part of the process to mental and emotional wellness. A journey that involved people waking up to the ways, habits, thoughts and stories that they have, that arent in line with their essential nature. And in realising these aspects of self, letting them go, learning from them, eating from them, until finally a person has found the heart of themselves, they see under it all, the very seed within, the gift that wants to grow.
I have learnt to find these times in the seasonal wheel, or in life, rather delicious. The dark, the peace, the unravelling. There is something beautiful about lying in the black witches pot, no longer anything, unsure of what I am, and I find it hard to piece myself back together, even when I feel spring is knocking at the door, even when my energy starts to shift and turn and want to head out into the light.
In these late February days, spring is gently calling, it can be felt in our bones, its coming through our wintery dreams and pulling us into another world, one more green, outward and upward. Many folks bones aren’t quite ready and they want to press the snooze button on that voice, that feeling, just for a little while.
It can be harsh, we can feel naked, raw, stagnant and slow.
The more I take notice of the seasons, the faster they seem to shift and roll away, leaving me in a perpetual feeling of catch up.
For although I’ve been gazing into the heart of the seasons for a good few years now, tasting their essence, their story and their meaning, I’m still new to changing my life and my ways to match accordingly, for much of it goes against the modern cultural narrative, or goes against the lessons I’ve been learning all my life from a society often deeply cut off from the earth, the bodies we inhabit and the soul.
Be gentle with yourself these days, for we are awakening from a whole winters darkness. Go slow with yourself, let yourself listen to the beating heart of you, let yourself be guided by your own feelings, your own knowing. For within it, there may be a seed longing to taste this life, to be lived through you.
Please feel free to share parts of this letter that you enjoy on social media or send to someone you feel may also like it.
Poem:
You do not have to win at a crisis. You do not have to push yourself to learn a new language or write a book or take up an instrument.
Nothing will come of forcing yourself to compete your way out of trauma. Take this time to look at the stars. Take this time to look at how the sky still holds clouds that are shaped of hope.
How the dawn begins at the tips of dewy grass, for this is where the horizon begins. Somewhere the dappled fawn raises her soft neck to watch the sun rise over her meadow.
Somewhere else monarch butterflies begin their long migration, knowing many of them will not make it home.
Remember that you do not need to earn your right to the precious minutes you have on this planet. They are already yours, like the fawn and the butterflies.
The universe beckons you through a heart that beats to the rhythm of its very own cosmic song.
- Nikita Gill
Thank you for your votes and feedback!
Thank you to all of you who took part in my recent ask for feedback. It really has helped me to form the coming shape of my substack to be as nourishing as possible.
Click here to see the post and also to let me know your view point, their is still time.
Because of the feedback, Im going to start a regular gathering on this platform in March for paid subscribers, they will be monthly to begin with. It will be an hour long, a place to come together, write and explore something together. Im really looking forward to it.
Interesting things
Here are some books I wanted to give some love to and thought they may be something you would like in your life if you haven’t already got them.
Wild folk rising - This is a beautiful book for children by Sylvia Linsteadt. An epic adventure full of wildness, heartfulness and hope.
Hagitude - written by Sharon Blackie, who speaks of navigating the hag phase of her life and the old stories of the hag. Reclaiming the mid years as a liberating, alchemical moment from which to shift into your chosen, authentic and fulfilling future. Drawing inspiration from mythic figures and archetypes as well as modern mentors, Sharon Blackie plots a liberating new path into elderhood.
Wild embers, poems of rebellion, fire and beauty by Nikita Gill
This is a beautiful podcast by Emergence Magazine. - ‘In this immersive listening journey from our archive, acoustic ecologist Gordon Hempton guides us into the Hoh Rain Forest—one of the quietest places in North America. In a world drowned out by the din of modern life, Hempton offers a way to attune our ears to the sounds that emerge in the absence of noise and reconnect with the silence of the living world.’
I have often thought about my death, and the idea of my body being eaten by the earth, the fungi and the insects, brings me great comfort, perhaps seeds will grow from the cavern my heart once dwelled in, perhaps tree roots will entwine around my spine.
And now, they have found a way to make the human body into compost, are you tempted?
How to become human compost (and other ways to be environmentally-friendly, post-mortem)
Occurrences in nature
Snowdrops, crocuses, nettles and dandelions are out! If you feel able, I highly recommend making tea from dandelion leaves and/or nettles to help shift your sluggish winter coat.
Blackbirds are back and I have loved hearing their song. Listen here -
If you missed it, here is a post I wrote about what the plants taught me.
I have seen and tasted my first shoots of wild garlic today! And it was so yummy, like tasting pure life force.
Thank you for how you express yourself. I can feel the love and tenderness behind each word. Your words are a healing salve. Thank you for sharing yourself with all beings. 🙏🏼
Lovely
Thank you